2003-08-12 - 9:49 a.m.

I awoke this morning feeling incredibly horny. I was having the most amazing dream.

My friends K & L were there, and they seemed to find it all amusing, but they seemed to approve. I was being totally seduced by a relatively short, rather slender blond man with a clear tenor voice and the quickest tongue I'd ever seen (or felt). His kisses took my breath away, and all the other things that he did to me had me panting and wanting much, much more. Out of respect for K & L, we went off looking for a more appropriate place to be. I don't remember all the sites we hit, but I was breathless and moaning at each one with the things he did, even in the middle of a group of people who seemed to be having a party. There was never actual intercourse between us, yet I was feeling very intimately close to him. I don't remember how, but there was a dragon involved somewhere along the way. It looked quite red to me, with gold highlights, but he insisted it was blue. "I am _____(Perry? Terry? I WISH I could remember!)," he said, "and I know these things." And I, knowing that things are not always as they appear, but still only seeing a brilliantly red dragon, dubiously acquiesced for the moment, saying, "Yes, you know more about these things than I do, so I guess I'll take your word for it."

I think I was dreaming about Linda.

I met Linda at Starwood, and I'd been meaning to write an entry about her. Then we finally caught each other online for the first time last night while I was chatting with Sam, and I was wondering what the combination of both conversations might have on my dreams.

Meeting Linda at Starwood was quite an enjoyable experience. She stopped by the store and simply began flirting with me. Not in an obtrusively sexual kind of way, but a teasing, wordplay, testing sort of way that was sexual and safe at the same time. We eventually introduced ourselves, and I somehow knew I'd see more of her during the week.

Connie seemed to find it all amusing somehow. She eventually explained that I'd just been hit on by a transexual, that Linda had previously been a man. I got the feeling that she was expecting some sort of reaction from me, but I just thought it was interesting. It didn't change anything about the impression she'd made upon me, though. I still liked what I'd just seen of Linda, and I had a good feeling about her.

Then I went to the shamanic healing ritual and had an intense and personal experience. Linda was at the workshop. It felt a little weird. So far we'd just exchanged pleasantries and had some fun teasing each other. It was all so lighthearted. And the next thing she sees of me is an emotional, dramatic, soul-baring sort of situation in which I revealed a few things that I wouldn't normally tell someone that I'd just met.

I did manage to run into her a few days later. And as luck would have it, I was away from the store, so we were able to talk for quite a while.

She asked me how I was doing since the workshop, and I told her how everything felt so different, and that I was still adjusting. And somehow we got on the subject of feeling energies and seeing auras. I told her that I felt a little uncomfortable with all that, since I could only feel energy sometimes, and I wasn't able to see auras. She said that she could teach me to see auras if I had a few moments to spare. Of course I said yes.

She suggested that we play a game of pretend. She asked me to look at her closely. "If you could see auras," she said, "what color would you see around me?" I didn't actually physically see anything at all, but I immediately answered, "Blue." "Ok," she continued, "what color do you see next?" I wanted to say yellow, but at that time yellow was associated with some of the nasty stuff that I'd taken out of me when I was going through the healing. But I explained to her that this was a different sort of yellow, a brighter, sunnier yellow, the sort that my sister Sandy would have liked. She continued to press me for more colors that I saw, all in the spirit of "let's pretend." And I gave the answers as they came to me.

Then she asked me to back up a bit, put my hands out in front of me, and very slowly approach her. I was to stop if I felt anything and explain what it was like, colors, textures, anything else. And I was surprised to find that I *did* feel something. She had me continue to come forward, and at intervals I was definitely feeling things, each feeling different from the one before in some way or other. The colors were different, one felt like velour, one was like a plastic wrap barrier. One felt like there was a moderate amount of resistance, but not to the point where I felt that it was dangerous to continue.

Linda then explained that everyone has their "shields", and that there are various layers of shields. We experimented some more. She played a bit with relaxing and strengthening her shields, and she said that I was fairly accurate at feeling them where they were. The outer shields are more of a "mask" that we show other people, and as one progressively moves inward, the shields become stronger to protect the more intimate parts of ourselves. It seems difficult to put into black and white words. As Linda was teaching me, she was describing what I was feeling, so I understood what she was saying. She never told me what to feel, she just put what I was feeling into context.

She returned to the subject of auras. She said that everyone can see auras, but each person might see different colors. It's like everyone's a computer with a different GUI, a different user interface to interpret the data. She told me that it was up to me to determine what the colors I associated with people meant for me. If I paid attention, I would see certain colors around certain people, I could trust my instincts on how those people made me feel, and I could decipher overall what each color meant for me.

And that all made sense, too. I had been expecting to see auras with my eyes. But there are so many ways to see. I needed to learn to trust my own magic and my own instincts. That was such a valuable lesson (one that was to be reinforced later in the week, by the way), one that I needed to learn in order to progress any further. I am powerful, if I only learn to trust in it and work with it.

Linda is a very cool person. She enjoyed being able to push my boundaries a little, and to teach me about things that I already had. But she was always very respectful about the process, not pushing beyond the point that would have been intrusive. I believe that she is someone that I was meant to meet. Learning can be fun! :)

As a brief afterthought... Sam says that Linda wants me. He does like to tease me about things like that, but then he adds that he can't imagine anyone who's attracted to women *not* wanting me. (He's so sweet. And I'm so lucky.) But there is definitely a sexual aspect there, and the dream last night put it right in front of my face. It'll be interesting to see what develops.

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